Pressure stress pressure stress pressure stress

Pressure and stress are indeed related. In fact they are actually the same, if define in mechanical engineering terms. I don't about psychiatric term though.

Anyway, right now if they are 2 different things, I'm feeling both. If it's the same, I'm feeling IT.
I have in my hands right now, End test, Assignments and Final Year Porject. All to be completed by March. Wheew!!

Main point: I'll be very busy, I won't be blogging much, if not, not blogging at all until I get more free time hopefully by March.

Project presentation not confirm. (oh bummer)
Don't know what's with the ISO certified, 1st in Asia excellence award winning centre from Edexcel thingy if PSDC(where i happen to study) can't confirm presentation date 1 month before presentaion month. sighhhhhh.
Admins always have problems eh?

Anyway, point is I'm stressed out and won't be able to blog. bye. (>_<)


till my next blog weeks away,
strained josh.

Of ants and of me.(Friday 28th)

"Go to the ant, you sluggard!
Consider her ways and be wise,
Which having no captain,
Overseer or ruler,
Provides her supplies in the summer, and gathers her food in the harvest.
How long will you slumer, O sluggard?"

- King Solomon
(proverbs 6:6-9)

Another rhema today...
I've been a bit lazy lately.. although I've been busy with my project, I still laze around before really doing the serious stuff. I was just writing about procrastination yesterday, and now I come across this verse.. haha.
"OK Lord, I get your message!"

But getting the message, and acting on it are 2 different things. I hope I'll be able to act on it.
Today, I can't get into internet. So i'm posting this on saturday even as I write for Saturday.

Today I spent most of my time out of the house. Whole day do project stuff... rush here rush there finding parts and getting machinist to do the work for us(my project partner and I).
Then evening got Youth meeting.
Tiring day.

Quote of Friday:
"Many Christians do nothing, but no Christian has nothing to do"



(Friday 28th)

Thursday

I went out like for the 1st time in 13 days (-visiting doctor), although it was only 2 hours. I went to a shop 2 buy parts for my project.

I really don't know how I spent my day. It was like suddenly I was so occupied with don't know what. Unnecessary stuff.

One big problem which I'm trying to overcome is procrastination... and also prioritising my things.

Anyway, I got a confession to make today...
I forgot about my daily devotional time to God today. (>_<)

Sometimes it's very hard to find time to just devote the few minutes in quiteness and reading the word. Assignments, projects, coming end test; all this takes a lot of my time... but then, as I write this, I begin to think "Is God my priority now?" ........ (the sound of silence)
To be honest, I must admit many times I left devotional time at the bottom of my "to do list" for the day. And like this day, i just forgot about the last thing on my to do list. Anyway, I did finally go through my daily bread for thursday.

You know what was the message?
"Consumer Christianity"Let me quote a portion directly from it"

'If we were only customers of Almighty God, we could be selective in our faith and reject anything we didn't like. But that's no the idea.."

In a world where customer is always right, it takes radical obedience to God to keep from buying into "Consumer Christianity."'

Basicaly, the verse and the message was: "If anyone desires to come after Me(Jesus), let him deny himself, and take up his cross DAILY, and follow me." Luke 9:23

Well, it's not like it's the first time I read this nor heard it preached about it.. but this is like the RHEMA for me at this point.

Another rhema: "For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?" Luke 9 :25

It's not like I'm lost yet, nor do I hope to get lost and I hope by God's mercy and grace, I won't... but it's more of telling me: Hey, is it worth sacrificing God time for work time?

It doesn't mean my struggle ends here after reading this, I know I'll still be struggling, but surely and steadily, I will overcome this struggle.
This is God's will.

Chicken here chicken there chicken everywhere...

14th January:
* wakes up*...
" oh o.. I don't feel good."
"What's is this red thing on my neck/collarbone area. ?" "Not chicken pox right""
But sad to say, doctor dispell all doubts.

I've been effectivly chosen to be the host of "Chicken Pox: Once in your lifetime!!" event on this date.

More spots appear towards the night.

15th January:
I feel real terrible. Spots all over.
You know what's the worst thing? Cannot bath!!
Arghhh... There's nothing more I hate about chicken pox is the "
pantang" 'cannot bath'.
Day time was already tough with the heat and the itch.
Sleep was going to be torturous... so I cleaned up with water a bit. Kinda over expose to water.
At night I really got scared . After cleaning up, I was lying down, suddenly I realised it was getting hard to breathe!!

At first I thought a bit exhausted, but it got worst. I was labouring for breath. Sometimes I feel like blacking out. I quickly ask my mum to check on me.
I thought I was going to die. But I didn't .. hehe
It was a really scary experience, so ok, I won't bath at night for this period.

16th January:
Very agitated with chicken pox. Itch, discomfort, dificulty to do things. etc etc.
but got assignment do. Stuck to PC whole day.

17th January:
Friend pick up my assignment for passing up at 7 am.
After that sleep until 11 am.

Feeling very terrible. indescribable.

Today got some relief. ahhh. Finally not only tsunami victims getting relief, C pox disaster victim also got some. BABY WIPES!!!They are life savers!! I use more than 1/2 the 80 sheets pack that day.
tip: If you can't bath, use baby wipes. Then there's calamine.. cooler liquid.

Sleep was torturous. Sticky body(despiote baby wipes) and itch is killing me. rather sit up on bed and not sleep, but fell asleep anyway.

18th January:
Got up grumpy. It is really hard to be cheerful.

Got my first bath in 3 days...
I bath in some herbal things.. Smells like "Leng Teh" Imagine bathing with "leng teh".
It's really good, so says the chinese sinseh.
But I was really grateful for it.
But still cannot use soap.

Night time was again torturous. I lost my cool and was angry with everyone and anyting. sighhh. Trying hard not to scratch and trying not to move too much.

19th January:
Still feeling terrible.
Took herbal bath in the afternoon.
Still grumpy.

Open new pack of baby wipes. Finished it by evening. 160 sheets in 2 days!!
Kena marah from dad. hehe.. said a I was extravagant user. Financer of these companies. lolz.
But got another 2 pcks anyway.
Seriously, they are life savers.

Went to seelp feeling a little better.

20th Jan:
Get up feeling a wee bit better.
Today can visibly see muhc improvement. The lesions are drying up and some are shrinking.

Ah, I'm getting tired now, will write more tomorrow.



all poxed out josh.

Ah! (@_@) Crap!!!.. No... not chicken pox...(yet)

I hope that no one who reads my previous entry will think that I dislike people telling me off... when I'm wrong. hehe. It's just to say I won't just simply try to shape myself to meet people's .. umm.... "picture perfect view" (?).. What am I writing now.. crapping... hehe...

Today: Thursday.
Morning tutorial was turned into an interview session there an then. I wasn't prepared and I answered some questions rather stupidly (>_<). Hope I don't fail.. (Praying and wishing hard) Then I got a really pleasant surprise from a wonderful friend of mine... nearly give me heart attack at 1st. This friend who's studying outstation, suddenly "appeared" back here and give me shock!! But it was a happy one. ^_^ Last few days have been doing some programming stuff... made an error that I didn't know how to solve yet. sigghh Today is not a productive day :s Currently feeling literally sick and tired.. I hope I won't get Chicken Pox now... argghhhh Getting feverish/flu like symptoms... "noooo!!! I dunwan chicken poxxxxx!!!!"
Hmm... actually I'm rather tired to write anything today. But anyway:

Things I plan to do:

• open a new blog for html coding.... i'll be posting simple html codes that I have and a brief instruction to use them (if you don't already know). I'm not an expert or anything, but it's just for anyone who wants to make their site a little nicer.. will offer a slightly more specific help for @blogspot.com users. (^_^)
• do some simple programs like chat room codes... wonder if it'll work. hmmm..
• write a program that can translate my thoughts into text so I won't have to type them.. wakakakaka .. in my dreams.

Oh ya.. finally got my timezone correct... I dunno what I was thinking.. at 1st I didn't set time zone, then later several post were in -8 hours GMT... in USA. (-_-)" Finally got it right today to +8hrs GMT(Asia/KL).. So if u see my other posting times weird weird, sorry, I'm just too lazy to calculate the change and make changes... hehehe.

summary:
-High-light of the day: A friend's surprise!!
-I don't normally do summary, so I'm sick today
-Ah crap, I'm crapping.

my quote of the day:
"I'm only human afterall (lame? blame it on my brain) - I'm only human"

?Am I what I am?

Today's Monday.(duh)
Ok, so 1 of my new year's resolution is to write a tleast once a week. Writing every day seems time consuming to me. But it kind of let me reflect on that day... but like I said, it's a llittle too time consuming for me.hehe.
I'll try to do it eventually. I'm d1/2 blogging, 1/2 doing homework. I hope both don't come out too jumbled up.. lol.
(If you find this entry too boring, go to the end of today's entry and read a joke ^_^)

Sunday was a rather unique day. Happens only once a year.
The 4th OCOV!!
The venue: Matahari Ballroom@Hotel Equatorial!
Once again worship was in the many languages that we have; English, Tamil, Chinese and Bahasa Indonesia/Melayu.
It is really awesome when the Lord's name is praised in different tongues.
Bahasa work has really grown in FGA over the past years. Really fruitful. Praise God for it.
According to a source, total attendance was 1400!!

The afternoon was spent sleeping.
I really 'geram' with my bro...
It's a known fact that C.Pox is contagious, yet he doesn't want to get into the room when we get back. Arrgghhh!!!
Only later at night really had enough, have to ask him to get back into the room 'forcefully'
(-_-)""


Monday:
Doctor declared James no longer contagious.
Wondered if he was yesterday.
Anyway, what's passed is past.
Today, I woke up at 6.30am. Feeling uneasy all over. Got up and imeediately prayed and read bible after a glass of water.. I rarely do that in the mornings unless I have no class. Anyway, later I was feeling much better. Whole day in school from 8.30 am to 5.30 pm.
The classes were draning and return traffic tiring just to sit through it.(i'm not driving)
Got back at ~6.30pm, took a bath, immediately hit the sack...
Got up 1 hour later for dinner.
Do homework lo... until now. blog, homework, chat,blog, homework, chat,blog, homework, chat.
(^_^)

Am I.......
Lately, a few people have been telling me some that they realised I wasn't who they thought I was. Not just 1, more than 1. (@_@)
This has me reflecting. Though I'm not the type that actually cares to act to impress, I'm now wondering what image have I projected myself to be. Have I deceived people? Or was I just judge by looks... hmmm... or have I changed a lot over the years that people have known me.
Actually, some years back, my ex-school mates did tell that they like me better the way I was lsat time. It had me trying hard to be who I was, but of course I felt rather miserable trying to fit into people's opinion. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't that I changed to speak profanity or become a ruffian, etc. It more of change of character, i suppose(?)
I don't really know... hehe... I think I was growing to be more vocal of certain things.

But then when I reflect back, church and successfully(to some degree) people have influenced me in shaping myself. I realised that in the process, my values have grown to change as well. Well of course I don't admit to be able to always fillter out what's good and what's not so good.
But I'm learning.
Some characteristics which may seem good and fitting to others, may not be so to others.
So what do I do? Try to please everyone and act differently to different people?
Man, I think I better stop my course right now and become an actor.

....What I Am?
My conclusion?
I think I'll stick to be what I am right now.. and continue to ask God to mould me. Of course if I'm definitely wrong in some of my ways, I hope people will come and tell me about it. (^_^)
I like to be what I am.. Yay!!

Here's a joke a friend shared with me.

America vs. Malaysia....
US:We have mocha
MY:We have "NesLo"
US:We have cappucino
MY:We have teh tarik
US:We have pancake
MY:We have roticanai
US:We have the Golden Gate
MY:We have the Penang Bridge
US:We have "Star Spangled Banner"
MY:We have "Jalur Gemilang"
US: (Fumes) What do you have that we don't?
MY: We still have our TwinTOWERS! You've lost yours.
US: (.............)

I thought to post it here (minus the profanity) to show how we can emulate others, but yet have our own identity.. Some may find it insulting at the end, sorry if it was. It's just a joke

A promise.

Oh, I forgot to mention something in my previous blog.
My bro got Chicken Pox!!!! (>_<)
I still haven't got them!!
I don't want them ...
We'll just have to see 3 weeks after he recovers to see if I'll get it. Not that I'm hoping to get it. If I don't get it, I'll go for vaccination.

Today I got all the time in the world to update all my stuff, emails, blog, other accounts.. wahh, it's doing a virtual spring cleaning.

A promise:
Has anyone ever made a promise to you?
It's really "sacred" when its kept. There's a special feeling when a promise is fulfilled, right?
Has some made a promise to your ancestor and fulfilled it?
What more if it's someone of high importance that hold a very high position or a high post.
But it can be really heart wrenching when a promise is broken. Has anyone broken a promise made to you? Have you yourself break promises?
Contrary to the saying "promises are meant to be broken", I know it's not true for many more.

The fact that today I'm living and not having to worry about my home being flooded and I have no dry land to stand on is because of a promise fulfilled.
The promise that is symbolised by the rainbow.
The promies that God will never elminate living creatures with flood. Even as the tsunami has taken a lot of lives, we can find comfort that God has promised that He''l not destroy earth with water.

The promises of God always stands.
But sometimes times are so tough that we feel as though God is witholding things from us. But is it us that are not living by God's word and commandments?
Perhaps we have to make straight our paths and see the faithfulness of God manifest in our lives?
But what I can say is God is faithful. He was faithful, is faithful and shall always be faithful. Despite our crooked ways, He'll always be there for us when we need Him.
Sometimes we go through difficult times, He shall set us high upon the rock, if we cry out to Him. How?, we don't know the means, but that's a promise.

by the way, I made a promise to myself. I've not broken it for 7 1/2 years... hopefully I won't break it before it is complete (>_<)

Disaster foretold!!

The end of last year was really tragic with the earth quake and the tsunami as a result of it. As with most people, I was really shock that this catastrophe could touch Malaysia, further it's in Penang where it's so close to home. Malaysia should no longer be call earth quake free, but rather, "Malaysia is place where the epicentre of earthquake can never be" since we experience earthquake as the reult of the 9.0 magnitude quake in the Indian Ocean.

I believe this disaster has shook up a lot of people. We begin to think if this is the beginning of the end, some of us are starting to re-evaluate our priorities... many of our mentality are changing with something happening so close to home.

The truth is the beginning of the end has already begun since long time ago.The Bible has all these written down already. From the governments of the earth which ruled the earth to natural disasters which happened and are to happen are all written in the Bible. Don't even mention Nostradamus, the bible existed long before it.

What I write here today has to do with what was preached today in church.Of the governments of the world, from bablyonian times were already foretold of the coming kingdoms and their power. Read Dan 2:31-49.

Of earthqueakes and disaster which will happen, Matthew 24:4-14. In fact other passages in the bible also says of this. See the book of Revelation for what is about to happen. Ask your other Christian friends if you're interested, or your pastor.

We may blame God for all this disaster, but the truth is it is not God's fault, but rather if is because of sin!! All creation suffers as a direct result of Adam's sin. We say we've got nothing to do with him, why do we have to inherit his wrongs? If you know about DNA and genes, you'll know that any defects in DNA are passed down the generation, this is just like sin. The very fact that nothing is perfect, and you at some point of likfe rebel against the law albeit small ones like driving above speed limit, lying, etc all shows we are sinful in nature. All sinful man are condemn to eternal death because the Holy God does not forgive sin without atonement(or a ganti rugi).

Can not escape eternal condemnation? Can we never be perfect?

The answer is YES!! we can escape eternal condemantion if someone that is perfect takes our place, and that has been arrange by God Himself throught the death and resurrection of Jesus!!

I have to constantly thank God for the gift that He has given... I pray I'll be able to reach out to others just as Matthew 28:19-20 commands.

Happy New Year!!!

Wow!!! It's been a long time since I've wrote in this blog.
Well, New Year's here, so I've decided to write ^_^

The most common practice in the New Year is to make new resolutions. Why in the 1st place do we have this practice? This tradition dates back to the early Babylonians. The early Babylonian's most popular resolution was to return borrowed farm equipment.
For more info on New Year celebration go to:
http://wilstar.com/holidays/newyear.htm or http://www.birthdayexpress.com/bexpress/planning/NewYearsDay.asp

For me, I suppose because many people screwed up during the past year, so new year resolution is an opportunity to make the change that perhaps they've have been wanting to do, but so often fail to for the past year.
But how many of us actually do keep to our annual resolutions?
As far I know, not many... yours truly included LOLZ!!!

Well, for me, my new year resolution is to write blog at the very least once a week ^_^
I still haven't thought about other resolution yet, maybe you can suggest to me on my tag board.. hehe

Anyway, one thing for certain is, I want to learn to reach out to others.
Being in the worship team has many times has taken my focus off people and unto the music, stage, etc etc.
I want to obey Matt 28:19-20... but how? We'll see about it. Maybe mission trips? See what happens during the year.

Caution! Fragile: Life inside. part 1

Wednesday(eidtted: originally wrote Thursday. was suffering SDS lolx):

8.30 am.... class.
Learned that my friend/ assistant monitor had an accident. Broke his leg.

12.30 pm. class finishes.
Go visit him.

I was just thinking. How fragile life can be. A hit on the head, an electrical shock, a bomb blast, etc etc. Anything can happen that take your life in a second, or take your life in a couple of days later.

Ever got into a bad accident? Did ever feel like you could be dead a minute earlier?
Ever wonder where you'll go after death?
Ever thought of effects of eternity you'll receive for your action at the present moment?

To tell the truth, I do think about it, but not live life like I do.
To think that every action would have consequence in eternity, good or bad, is rather scary. But if I live life like that every second, I'll be super stressed out.
But if I don't, I'll live life carelessly. So i try to live life the best I can although admittedly, I can't really live life the best I can, but I try anyway.

But anyway, I can say I live with assurance from the Bible, that I'll be in Heaven. But the next thing is, will I enter heaven with rewards waiting for me? Bible says our works will be tested with fire. Whether mine will be like be able pass the test, or will burn like stubble and hay depends on what I do now.
I hope I won't enter Heaven just scrapping because of grace and mercy. Just like escaping fire with only the cloths on my back.

[I'm suffering SDS (Sleep Deficiency Syndrome) right now, so i'll just end my thoughts here and continue in my next blog (^_6)]

Thursday:

Morning- went to junk shop- get nothing really usefull.
Afternoon- Install and update softwares on PC. Watched bourne supremacy. Good show. Too bad Marie had to die (T_T)

Evening- Just completed some installation, bro came back and took reign of the PC. So pissed off. He just came in take over my sit after spending most of my afternoon getting it done, and install game to play.

while he spent the entire evening till night playing game, i tried to read a book, but ended up resting. haha.

Anyway, Bourne Supremacy had me thinking, but i guess I'll just write it another day (if I can remember). I'm so sleepy now.
Good night.

You know What I did during Raya? (haha)

(^_^) then (-_-)"' then (>_<) then (T_T) then (T_T) It's my mood for the pass few days.
I'm so pissed off with microsoft!!! My PC crashed on me for the past few days.
"You got 7 days to activation". This I thought was resolved months ago, but now it's back to haunt me.
Finally reformatted.
It was like shooting a movie:

(FYI: there a local production called: "I know what you did last Raya", but I didn't care to watch it anyway)

Reformat Take 1:
copying files.... 39 minutes left... complete! Install drivers.... install antivirus, firewall. install all others things.
Yipee!! can use already.
Connect Internet.
Suddenly: NT AUTHORITY SYSTEM: remote procedure call service.. windows shutting down.

Director @ me @ James(my bro): "What?!.. cut cut cut" that wasn't supose to be on the scene.
*actually this happened to my bro who was formatting. I was away.

Reformat Take 2:

copying files.... 39 minutes left... complete! Install drivers.... install antivirus, firewall. install all others things.
All systems go!
Go internet...
Upadate anti-virus, update anti- spyware.
Few minutes later: System Shutdown.

"Cut cut cut!!"
(What went wrong?! Maybe this OS(operating system. eg Win Xp, Mac OX, Linus) edition got problem)

Reformat Take 3:

copying files.... 39 minutes left... complete! Install drivers.... install antivirus, firewall. install all others things.
All systems go!
Update all security programs.
Few minutes later: System Shutdown.

But this time, got a way to work around this interupting 'extra actor'.
Connect to the internet use another account created on PC.
However... the PC was super slowwwwww.

"Cut cut cut"

At this juncture, a different OS was used.
Reformat Take 4:

copying files...error cpoying file ---... ignore after retrying many times.) 39 minutes left... complete! Install drivers.... install antivirus, firewall. install all others things.
Run system.... Hang!!!

"cut cut cut"

Director's postmortem: Some "main actors" went missing, change boot disk.

Do it the following day:

2nd Day
Reformat take 5
Deputy Director(me) takes all control:

same things happen like in Take 3.
Getting fed-up.

"Cut!!"
(maybe need to clean up everything b4 reformat or it'll be slow[which was not the root of the problem actually])

Reformat 6,7:
Change back original OS.
After complete, still has the NT AUTHORITY\ SYSTEM problem.

Finally went Internet and found out the problem was caused by an "unwanted actor"
It was a Blaster Worm!!
Then discovered my PC got infected with Sasser!!

Finally:

Reformat take 8:

copying files.... 39 minutes left... complete! Install drivers. Before doing anything else,

Update all security holes!!!

All succesful!!
Scene ends!!

Now I'm back online!! YAY!!
muahaha.

Anyway, a tip for all future fomatting "directors", after done installing the OS, get all necessary security update b4 using your INternet browser to surf.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, the PC start acting up on Saturday. Sunday was a rest day, so didn't do anything.

Monday: James decided to format PC, but I went to visit Hang/Amin. Met many class mates and friends who I haven't seen for ages.
Every one's like different save the "bubbliness" of the bubbly bubbles. hehe.

Watched Incredibles later in the afternoon. Really nice show. You know what? You just have to watch it to know the incredibleness of it ^_^

After finished movies, dinner time. but..... got the usual dilema.
"WHAT IN THE WORLD TO EAT?!!"
or rather, in PENANG.
Not that there's nothing, just that there's abundance to choose from. I'm so blessed with having so much food around me, sometimes I just forget there are people out there who are starving.
Anyway, I still do complain about food. *grin grin* I can't possibly eat bad food, right?

Tuesday: Woke up at 1. The entire day was wasted doing nothing. Seriously. I walk up and down the house trying to study, but very little came in.
My bro was using the PC the whole day. Couldn't reformat(again) it yet. I could only use after 12am.
I'm so pissed off at him coz he hog the PC the whole day to play games even though the PC is spolit. Grrrrr.... but manage to kept my cool the whole day.. by studying albeit not really registering in my brain. haha

Ended up sleeping at around 3.45am.
I'll end this blog up to Tuesday.

12days of my life.

For 12 days, not a single blog. (>.<)
I don't really have a good excuse... (do i need one for not blogging? . hehe)
Anyway, for the past week, I really messed up my time.
As i reflect back on the past 12 days.When not in class, many days were spent playing games especially the past week. Not all of the days, but many.
The rest of the days were spent watching Smallville on CD. hehe.
But then again I don't get to use the PC everyday as well.
When I did, and tried to blog, I experienced mental block. I was trying to put my thoughts into place, but it seems to be so jumbled up I didn't know what to write. Considering most of the days were non-productive, it was hard to write anything.
However, one thing I did good was to clean up my messy room real thorough. I guess sometimes when we're feeling bad, sad or down, putting your whole energy and soul into something else kind of offers some form of escape.
It just felt good getting on my knees to wipe the dust of things.

This week was slightly better than the rest. Counting Sunday as the first day of the week; in the morning, I went to church to worship and fellowship ^_^
1/2 of afternoon was spent shopping for some stationery and some other things.( i forgot if it's spelt -nary or -nery, so I'm going to check now ) [result: it's -nery]
I forgot what I did in the evening. lolz.

Monday... entire day in class. Evening - watch smallville again... haha.

Tuesday- no class.In the morning, I had an appointment with my friend which I almost didn't make it because I double 'booked' myself although this appointment was made first. Was kinda guilty of it though I made it. Anyway, it was a wonderful time. Spent the entire morning catching up with my friend at McD ^_^
Btw, I haven't tried McD's breakfast before, so it was my first time. (Don't look at me like I was from outer space, ok? I just never did have the time [or rather initiative.. hehe])
Afternoon was spent shopping with my mother, my friend's mum, and my friend.
Lately, I'm afraid that soon I would be a shopping addict... ( my money... starting to grow wings.) Pray that I won't. hehe

Wednesday - Hmm.... Interesting day. In the morning, my project partner and I went to look for components for our final year project. We learned a number of things that day.
Found some crucial components that we needed. We also found out that we almost got cheated from another guy. The price difference was also more than 100%. Praise God we didn't do things too hastily.
Another shocker: Just the new step motors with drivers alone, overshot our budget by ~240% .Whew...
Now we've gotta try to find 2nd hand parts.
In afternoon, I went to my optometrist to get my spectacles in Penang.
Then in the evening I went to worhip team practice.
I hate taking public transport. They're never reliable (in Penang state). Relying on them is like doing bungee jump relying on the strength of rafia strings(never test it though :D).

Thursday: Deepavali.
Beautiful day.
Went hiking at Cherok Tokun with my family, Uncle Raymond, Uncle Khaw, Aunty Alice, Aunty Adeline, The 5 Kids, and 2 other teens: Rebecca and Samantha. We didn't go to the top simply because there were 5 kids who couldn't make it all the way.
Going down was a little more fun. We had a bottle to kick down all the way from the top. Since the water was finished, and I didn't want to litter the place with non-biodegradable things, we had to bring it down to dispose it. Well the bottle kind of 'slipped' out of my hand, so instead of picking it up, we kicked it down all the way. Now it sounds silly, but nevertheless, it kept us occupied. ^_6
After lunch+hike= sleep.
Slept from 4-8pm. hhahaha.
Evening after dinner, since it's holidays, and I'm too lazy to do any academic work, I maintain the clealiness of my room :D
Of course I did not forget to do devotions ^_6.

Friday morning- blogged. hehehe.
Now i'm going to eat breakfast.
tata.

Josh.

Reality hits hard, does it?

I've not been able to blog for the past few days because I've not been able to use the PC.
Just blogging for 2 days has got me hooked. (!)
Wonder how long I can keep this blog alive. Lol.

A blog ago, I was pretty dejected because of situations and things that happened around me.
You know, in our daily walk, we face a lot of ups and downs.
When we're a good time, we're good with our friends- we feel very happy, sometimes like being on top of the world, wishing that nothing will change for the worst.

But we all know that the reality hits hard and our fallen nature does not allow us to have a great time (relatively) all the time.

Why is it when we're hurt, it leaves an impact so deep that sometimes our happy times seems to bring more hurts when we think about it.
But even if we're feeling happy, the hurtful past seems to come and ruin our happy times.

Perhaps it's our choice whether to let the memories disrupt our moment of happiness and we suddenly feel depressed amidst happiness.
Anyone knows what I mean?
I've certainly felt that a good number of times.

When we're hurt, it is as what Pastor Robert Ling said on fireBRANDS, we tend to lose trust.
We build a wall around us not wanting people to poke us again.
The funny thing about hurt, or rather, the natural tendecy of our fallen nature is; sometimes we want to get back at the person who hurts us. We turn into someone who we would loathe previously. In the process of that, we involve somebody else and end up hurting another person. And so the vicious cycle repeats itself.

I heard this song just a few moments ago:

Hurt
by Johnny Cash

"I hurt myself today,
To see if i still feel,
I focus all the pain,
The only thing thats real,
The needle tears a hole,
The old familiar stain,
Try to kill it all away,
But I remember everything,

(Chorus)
What have I become,
My sweetest friend,
Everyone i know,
Goes away in the end,
And you could have it all,
My empire of dirt,
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt,

I wear this crown of thorns,
Upon my liars chair,
Full of broken thoughts,
I cannot repair,
Beneath the stains of time,
The feelings dissapear,
You are someone else,
I am still right here,

If I could start agian, a million miles away, I will keep myself, I would find a way."


Sometimes, we're so afraid of hurting others, we also build a wall around us.

But many times, we should learn to forgive. It'll hurt, oh yes it will. But as each time it hurts, we've to ask God to help us forgive. It may not go away in one shot, but more often than not, it takes time.

Many times, God has bring me back through pain. When I'm pained, my conscience pull at my heartstring: Oh, how sometimes I've hurt the One who loved me enough to die for me to take away my punishment by the actions I do, by the things I placed as priority over Him, by disobedience.
If it hurts me when it happens to me, it must hurt others when I do the same.

The Truth is, when things are going rough and tough, the Word of God should always be the Anchor and we'll not get drifted away.

This brings back memory of the Boys' Brigade who's motto is Sure and Stedfast.

The Anchor Song

Words and Melody by G. Stanley Smith
(G. Stanley Smith was the son of Sir William Alexander Smith, the Founder of The Boys' Brigade)
(Midi File © sequenced by John Irvine, Wishaw and District Battalion July 2000)

1. There's an emblem fair that is known to all
A sign to help us through
It stands for strength and it stands for right
An Anchor tried and true
The emblem of The Boys' Brigade
It helps us on our way
Our fathers knew in days gone by
This sign we know today

Sure and Stedfast *
The Brigade Boy's Motto clear
That's our watchword, when trouble and trials are near
Sure and Stedfast to the flag that flies above
In all that we do we'll try to be true
To the Anchor that we love

2. With gallant heart and gallant soul
On life's broad sea we'll sail,
Whate'r the storms of life may bring
Our Anchor must prevail
And though the clouds may cross the sun
And skies grow dark and grey
We'll face the foe until we've won
A glorious victory.

* Until recently, the word Stedfast in the B.B. Motto was spelt as shown. This spelling was taken from the King James version of the Bible, Hebrews Chapter 6 at verse 19. In the 21st Century and with the many differing versions of the Bible available, the Brigade decided that the accepted form of spelling Steadfast should now be used.

source:http://wishaw.boys-brigade.org.uk/anchor.htm

Till my next blog,
Josh

Oro~?

Sometimes, you can manage to hold your composure for the longest time.
Even though you go through a tough day, deadline's nearing for your assignment/homework, your friend's mad at you, you embarrassed yourself saying something silly, late for an appointment, and misunderstood, you still stand tall.

Then when the day quietens, and you start to do some stuff, then as if the world is bent on getting on you, even inanimate, lifeless things start to turn against you.

Your fuse blows (the physical, electrical one), and then some programs in your PC you want to use suddenly doesn't work as it should. Very soon you'll be slumped and broken. It's a terrible day isn't it?

Well, mine's not that exactly that bad. (^_6)
But anyways, things do go bad occasionally.
But God always has a purpose. I believe that strongly.

Anyway, as I write this blog, I have realised how much I missed what should be the most important thing in my daily life -
A consistent daily commitment to Jesus. I haven't been consistently having daily devotions.
Some how my time is always getting occupied with something else, sometimes unnecessary stuff. Anyway, I've decided tonight (more of this morning) to be consistent from the moment I finish this blog... [God help me!]

Btw, thanks for those who've posted comments. appreciate them.

I went to Chelsia's blog. She has a nice layout there. She also thought me how to add link to others.
I used to know some html, but now I've forgotten >.<
So I decide to look for my old files on htmling.... but *sniff *sniff, they're missing.
I guess they're on another hard drive. Rather tired to fix the spare drive now.

My Mp3 converter fail to work today T_T.
I want Blade format... I don't want Lame format. But the lame one works, but the sharp blade won't. Guess I have to settle for the Lame one then..... for now, until I fixed the problem.
[Anyone uses DigitalMusicConverter(DMC) and has the codecs for Blade? Please send me Blade codec if you have it. Post ur contact in "comment". thanks]

Oh ya, my final year project is starting to get a wee little force. Hope for all the best.
The realisation of SCARA is a must. *determine look* [if u can imagine one ;) ]

Till my next blog.
josh

1st Blog

Finally, I managed to start a blog.

I've been thinking of writing one a long time ago but never really had the discipline to do it. I used to have a journal when I was a kid, but never really followed up on it. Perhaps I was too playful and carefree to really write anything then.

Then, in my teens I write journals occasionally.

I don't know about others, but writing down your feelings and aspiration seems to be a bit awkward. Especially the really touchy ones like - who had a crush on, what’s your scariest thought or nightmare.

Anyway, I didn’t really feel comfortable writing all those down, so in the end I stopped. Sometimes, reading what I’ve written gives me goose bumps… Hahaha. It’s like “My goodness, did I ever dare to write that down?”

So why do I ever want to start a blog now? Now I’m asking that question myself… haha.

I guess at some time, nobody can bottle up everything. Maybe this is an avenue for me to stimulate my mind for something big. Who knows.
Well that’s my secret aspiration. Hehe
See. Isn’t it funny to have this kind of hope. Get what I mean?

This is getting kinda long.
Since this is my first entry, I guess it’s going to be long(for me anyway.
But I don’t think I’ll ever write this long other times. (maybe this isn't that long compared to others, but i seldom read other blogs anyway.)

Funny how writing in a diary differs from blogging. (for me)
In diary entries, I write speaking to myself.
But here, it seems I write for the purpose of directing readers to what I’m thinking.
More of writing a story for people to read than a personal journal.
But then, I suppose that's the entire purpose of blogging.

Anyway, it will mean I'm opening up myself to the world to see.
This means I can't simply write about secret feelings.. haha. I guess
I have to write in another secret blog that nobody knows about. (I won't tell you if I have one :-Þ)

Anyway, till my next blog.
josh.