Caution! Fragile: Life inside. part 1

Wednesday(eidtted: originally wrote Thursday. was suffering SDS lolx):

8.30 am.... class.
Learned that my friend/ assistant monitor had an accident. Broke his leg.

12.30 pm. class finishes.
Go visit him.

I was just thinking. How fragile life can be. A hit on the head, an electrical shock, a bomb blast, etc etc. Anything can happen that take your life in a second, or take your life in a couple of days later.

Ever got into a bad accident? Did ever feel like you could be dead a minute earlier?
Ever wonder where you'll go after death?
Ever thought of effects of eternity you'll receive for your action at the present moment?

To tell the truth, I do think about it, but not live life like I do.
To think that every action would have consequence in eternity, good or bad, is rather scary. But if I live life like that every second, I'll be super stressed out.
But if I don't, I'll live life carelessly. So i try to live life the best I can although admittedly, I can't really live life the best I can, but I try anyway.

But anyway, I can say I live with assurance from the Bible, that I'll be in Heaven. But the next thing is, will I enter heaven with rewards waiting for me? Bible says our works will be tested with fire. Whether mine will be like be able pass the test, or will burn like stubble and hay depends on what I do now.
I hope I won't enter Heaven just scrapping because of grace and mercy. Just like escaping fire with only the cloths on my back.

[I'm suffering SDS (Sleep Deficiency Syndrome) right now, so i'll just end my thoughts here and continue in my next blog (^_6)]

Thursday:

Morning- went to junk shop- get nothing really usefull.
Afternoon- Install and update softwares on PC. Watched bourne supremacy. Good show. Too bad Marie had to die (T_T)

Evening- Just completed some installation, bro came back and took reign of the PC. So pissed off. He just came in take over my sit after spending most of my afternoon getting it done, and install game to play.

while he spent the entire evening till night playing game, i tried to read a book, but ended up resting. haha.

Anyway, Bourne Supremacy had me thinking, but i guess I'll just write it another day (if I can remember). I'm so sleepy now.
Good night.

You know What I did during Raya? (haha)

(^_^) then (-_-)"' then (>_<) then (T_T) then (T_T) It's my mood for the pass few days.
I'm so pissed off with microsoft!!! My PC crashed on me for the past few days.
"You got 7 days to activation". This I thought was resolved months ago, but now it's back to haunt me.
Finally reformatted.
It was like shooting a movie:

(FYI: there a local production called: "I know what you did last Raya", but I didn't care to watch it anyway)

Reformat Take 1:
copying files.... 39 minutes left... complete! Install drivers.... install antivirus, firewall. install all others things.
Yipee!! can use already.
Connect Internet.
Suddenly: NT AUTHORITY SYSTEM: remote procedure call service.. windows shutting down.

Director @ me @ James(my bro): "What?!.. cut cut cut" that wasn't supose to be on the scene.
*actually this happened to my bro who was formatting. I was away.

Reformat Take 2:

copying files.... 39 minutes left... complete! Install drivers.... install antivirus, firewall. install all others things.
All systems go!
Go internet...
Upadate anti-virus, update anti- spyware.
Few minutes later: System Shutdown.

"Cut cut cut!!"
(What went wrong?! Maybe this OS(operating system. eg Win Xp, Mac OX, Linus) edition got problem)

Reformat Take 3:

copying files.... 39 minutes left... complete! Install drivers.... install antivirus, firewall. install all others things.
All systems go!
Update all security programs.
Few minutes later: System Shutdown.

But this time, got a way to work around this interupting 'extra actor'.
Connect to the internet use another account created on PC.
However... the PC was super slowwwwww.

"Cut cut cut"

At this juncture, a different OS was used.
Reformat Take 4:

copying files...error cpoying file ---... ignore after retrying many times.) 39 minutes left... complete! Install drivers.... install antivirus, firewall. install all others things.
Run system.... Hang!!!

"cut cut cut"

Director's postmortem: Some "main actors" went missing, change boot disk.

Do it the following day:

2nd Day
Reformat take 5
Deputy Director(me) takes all control:

same things happen like in Take 3.
Getting fed-up.

"Cut!!"
(maybe need to clean up everything b4 reformat or it'll be slow[which was not the root of the problem actually])

Reformat 6,7:
Change back original OS.
After complete, still has the NT AUTHORITY\ SYSTEM problem.

Finally went Internet and found out the problem was caused by an "unwanted actor"
It was a Blaster Worm!!
Then discovered my PC got infected with Sasser!!

Finally:

Reformat take 8:

copying files.... 39 minutes left... complete! Install drivers. Before doing anything else,

Update all security holes!!!

All succesful!!
Scene ends!!

Now I'm back online!! YAY!!
muahaha.

Anyway, a tip for all future fomatting "directors", after done installing the OS, get all necessary security update b4 using your INternet browser to surf.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, the PC start acting up on Saturday. Sunday was a rest day, so didn't do anything.

Monday: James decided to format PC, but I went to visit Hang/Amin. Met many class mates and friends who I haven't seen for ages.
Every one's like different save the "bubbliness" of the bubbly bubbles. hehe.

Watched Incredibles later in the afternoon. Really nice show. You know what? You just have to watch it to know the incredibleness of it ^_^

After finished movies, dinner time. but..... got the usual dilema.
"WHAT IN THE WORLD TO EAT?!!"
or rather, in PENANG.
Not that there's nothing, just that there's abundance to choose from. I'm so blessed with having so much food around me, sometimes I just forget there are people out there who are starving.
Anyway, I still do complain about food. *grin grin* I can't possibly eat bad food, right?

Tuesday: Woke up at 1. The entire day was wasted doing nothing. Seriously. I walk up and down the house trying to study, but very little came in.
My bro was using the PC the whole day. Couldn't reformat(again) it yet. I could only use after 12am.
I'm so pissed off at him coz he hog the PC the whole day to play games even though the PC is spolit. Grrrrr.... but manage to kept my cool the whole day.. by studying albeit not really registering in my brain. haha

Ended up sleeping at around 3.45am.
I'll end this blog up to Tuesday.

12days of my life.

For 12 days, not a single blog. (>.<)
I don't really have a good excuse... (do i need one for not blogging? . hehe)
Anyway, for the past week, I really messed up my time.
As i reflect back on the past 12 days.When not in class, many days were spent playing games especially the past week. Not all of the days, but many.
The rest of the days were spent watching Smallville on CD. hehe.
But then again I don't get to use the PC everyday as well.
When I did, and tried to blog, I experienced mental block. I was trying to put my thoughts into place, but it seems to be so jumbled up I didn't know what to write. Considering most of the days were non-productive, it was hard to write anything.
However, one thing I did good was to clean up my messy room real thorough. I guess sometimes when we're feeling bad, sad or down, putting your whole energy and soul into something else kind of offers some form of escape.
It just felt good getting on my knees to wipe the dust of things.

This week was slightly better than the rest. Counting Sunday as the first day of the week; in the morning, I went to church to worship and fellowship ^_^
1/2 of afternoon was spent shopping for some stationery and some other things.( i forgot if it's spelt -nary or -nery, so I'm going to check now ) [result: it's -nery]
I forgot what I did in the evening. lolz.

Monday... entire day in class. Evening - watch smallville again... haha.

Tuesday- no class.In the morning, I had an appointment with my friend which I almost didn't make it because I double 'booked' myself although this appointment was made first. Was kinda guilty of it though I made it. Anyway, it was a wonderful time. Spent the entire morning catching up with my friend at McD ^_^
Btw, I haven't tried McD's breakfast before, so it was my first time. (Don't look at me like I was from outer space, ok? I just never did have the time [or rather initiative.. hehe])
Afternoon was spent shopping with my mother, my friend's mum, and my friend.
Lately, I'm afraid that soon I would be a shopping addict... ( my money... starting to grow wings.) Pray that I won't. hehe

Wednesday - Hmm.... Interesting day. In the morning, my project partner and I went to look for components for our final year project. We learned a number of things that day.
Found some crucial components that we needed. We also found out that we almost got cheated from another guy. The price difference was also more than 100%. Praise God we didn't do things too hastily.
Another shocker: Just the new step motors with drivers alone, overshot our budget by ~240% .Whew...
Now we've gotta try to find 2nd hand parts.
In afternoon, I went to my optometrist to get my spectacles in Penang.
Then in the evening I went to worhip team practice.
I hate taking public transport. They're never reliable (in Penang state). Relying on them is like doing bungee jump relying on the strength of rafia strings(never test it though :D).

Thursday: Deepavali.
Beautiful day.
Went hiking at Cherok Tokun with my family, Uncle Raymond, Uncle Khaw, Aunty Alice, Aunty Adeline, The 5 Kids, and 2 other teens: Rebecca and Samantha. We didn't go to the top simply because there were 5 kids who couldn't make it all the way.
Going down was a little more fun. We had a bottle to kick down all the way from the top. Since the water was finished, and I didn't want to litter the place with non-biodegradable things, we had to bring it down to dispose it. Well the bottle kind of 'slipped' out of my hand, so instead of picking it up, we kicked it down all the way. Now it sounds silly, but nevertheless, it kept us occupied. ^_6
After lunch+hike= sleep.
Slept from 4-8pm. hhahaha.
Evening after dinner, since it's holidays, and I'm too lazy to do any academic work, I maintain the clealiness of my room :D
Of course I did not forget to do devotions ^_6.

Friday morning- blogged. hehehe.
Now i'm going to eat breakfast.
tata.

Josh.

Reality hits hard, does it?

I've not been able to blog for the past few days because I've not been able to use the PC.
Just blogging for 2 days has got me hooked. (!)
Wonder how long I can keep this blog alive. Lol.

A blog ago, I was pretty dejected because of situations and things that happened around me.
You know, in our daily walk, we face a lot of ups and downs.
When we're a good time, we're good with our friends- we feel very happy, sometimes like being on top of the world, wishing that nothing will change for the worst.

But we all know that the reality hits hard and our fallen nature does not allow us to have a great time (relatively) all the time.

Why is it when we're hurt, it leaves an impact so deep that sometimes our happy times seems to bring more hurts when we think about it.
But even if we're feeling happy, the hurtful past seems to come and ruin our happy times.

Perhaps it's our choice whether to let the memories disrupt our moment of happiness and we suddenly feel depressed amidst happiness.
Anyone knows what I mean?
I've certainly felt that a good number of times.

When we're hurt, it is as what Pastor Robert Ling said on fireBRANDS, we tend to lose trust.
We build a wall around us not wanting people to poke us again.
The funny thing about hurt, or rather, the natural tendecy of our fallen nature is; sometimes we want to get back at the person who hurts us. We turn into someone who we would loathe previously. In the process of that, we involve somebody else and end up hurting another person. And so the vicious cycle repeats itself.

I heard this song just a few moments ago:

Hurt
by Johnny Cash

"I hurt myself today,
To see if i still feel,
I focus all the pain,
The only thing thats real,
The needle tears a hole,
The old familiar stain,
Try to kill it all away,
But I remember everything,

(Chorus)
What have I become,
My sweetest friend,
Everyone i know,
Goes away in the end,
And you could have it all,
My empire of dirt,
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt,

I wear this crown of thorns,
Upon my liars chair,
Full of broken thoughts,
I cannot repair,
Beneath the stains of time,
The feelings dissapear,
You are someone else,
I am still right here,

If I could start agian, a million miles away, I will keep myself, I would find a way."


Sometimes, we're so afraid of hurting others, we also build a wall around us.

But many times, we should learn to forgive. It'll hurt, oh yes it will. But as each time it hurts, we've to ask God to help us forgive. It may not go away in one shot, but more often than not, it takes time.

Many times, God has bring me back through pain. When I'm pained, my conscience pull at my heartstring: Oh, how sometimes I've hurt the One who loved me enough to die for me to take away my punishment by the actions I do, by the things I placed as priority over Him, by disobedience.
If it hurts me when it happens to me, it must hurt others when I do the same.

The Truth is, when things are going rough and tough, the Word of God should always be the Anchor and we'll not get drifted away.

This brings back memory of the Boys' Brigade who's motto is Sure and Stedfast.

The Anchor Song

Words and Melody by G. Stanley Smith
(G. Stanley Smith was the son of Sir William Alexander Smith, the Founder of The Boys' Brigade)
(Midi File © sequenced by John Irvine, Wishaw and District Battalion July 2000)

1. There's an emblem fair that is known to all
A sign to help us through
It stands for strength and it stands for right
An Anchor tried and true
The emblem of The Boys' Brigade
It helps us on our way
Our fathers knew in days gone by
This sign we know today

Sure and Stedfast *
The Brigade Boy's Motto clear
That's our watchword, when trouble and trials are near
Sure and Stedfast to the flag that flies above
In all that we do we'll try to be true
To the Anchor that we love

2. With gallant heart and gallant soul
On life's broad sea we'll sail,
Whate'r the storms of life may bring
Our Anchor must prevail
And though the clouds may cross the sun
And skies grow dark and grey
We'll face the foe until we've won
A glorious victory.

* Until recently, the word Stedfast in the B.B. Motto was spelt as shown. This spelling was taken from the King James version of the Bible, Hebrews Chapter 6 at verse 19. In the 21st Century and with the many differing versions of the Bible available, the Brigade decided that the accepted form of spelling Steadfast should now be used.

source:http://wishaw.boys-brigade.org.uk/anchor.htm

Till my next blog,
Josh